A little bit of the Mom funk

Every now and than I escape for 15 minutes or so and drive to pick up dinner or go and get my hair cut (that's a few hour escape) and I feel like I find a little piece of a girl that I use to know. The girl before I had kids. Trust me I love being a Mom, best job I've ever had but I would be lying if I said driving down the road with the windows rolled down and my stereo turned up didn't make me miss a part of my life I use to have. The freedom, the go go go, the independence and selfishness.

Really though when I think about it, that girl doesn't exists anymore. That girl left. That selfish part of me grieved in the first weeks of bringing Mason home and was no where to be seen by the time Max came home.

Most days I feel like a strong confident woman.

But every now and than I get a bit of the Mom funk. That I am sick of wearing my hair in a braid or a bun, the minimal makeup if any, the attempt at putting on clothes that don't make me look like a slob.


I think I need to find a little bit of that girl from my 20's again and the main reason is my weight. I've never been the skinny girl but I have been thin. I have been healthy and before I got pregnant with Max I felt that little bit of me coming back.  I have had the hardest time loosing the baby weight this time. I am breastfeeding exclusively, haven't even used my pump in months. I am hungry. I am making good food decisions, I am making too many of them. I am carrying a 20-lb baby around everyday and trying to take walks and do weight lifting when I can find 30 minutes. The scale is not budging. I am frustrated.  Every camp has a different message. Do Atkins, Don't diet while breastfeeding, Do Paleo, Weight watchers, just work out...and than there's all the beautiful mothers I know who are stick skinny and can't eat enough to keep weight on. When did I become the fat girl?

Its summer and its time to figure this thing out.