week 21: I am just not myself these days

Things are moving right along. I have to admit it took me by suprise that we are having a boy. I told myself I didn't care either way but secretly I was hoping for a little girl first. In this weird egocentric way I wanted to see myself in a little girl. I wanted to share the relationship with a daughter that I have with my mom. So for one day I struggled with my feelings about this. I talked to my mom about it in length and she explained how different a relationship is with a son. So very special and a blessing like no other. How you love your children the same but the way you share time with them is different. The next morning I woke up so excited to have a boy that I have not stopped day dreaming about him since.

Now our families were so excited. I think my dad was also a little bummed also because he had his heart set on a girl but he didn't skip a beat to express that another grandson is more than perfect. My mom and I have spent countless hours on the phone talking about little boys. She has (as always) helped me to focus on all the wonderful gifts in our lives. She also has stirred my over compulsive need to plan and decorate. She kept saying "how will you decorte the nursery" and lets start researching the safety write ups on cribs and strollers and car seats. Than she gets Matt excited and all of us just sit and talk about this little guy we have never met but we all love so much.

I think we have picked the bedding....


but this one is in the running still...


We have a few months to figure these things out.

In other news, Matt and I have been busy with home projects. Angela is moving in this Friday and we have finally finished the downstairs. I will take some photos so we can share them with you.

The weather in Denver over the past month has been extremely hot. This past week we had several days of 100 degree weather and we have not had rain since June. I dislike the hot weather and being pregnant I dislike it even more. I have been looking at the Anchorage forecast daily and trying to mentally take myself to the cooler temperatures of Alaska. My feet are swollen and I officially have "cankles." My rings do not fit and I am not sleeping well. I have carpal tunnel. So those are my complaints. I am so jealous of women who love being pregnant. I keep trying to tell myself that I feel that way, but I don't. I know the end result is going to be so amazing but this part is not for me. I am not unhappy just uncomfortable. I am just being honest.

So my most recent pregnant story (about irrational behavior) took place this past Friday. Matt and I decided we would head to the mountains on Friday to stay with my folks. I had to get out of the heat. We have air conditioning but for some reason escaping was what I needed. We had a wondeful dinner with the fam. Emily and Keegan were there because Cade had been out of town on business. We sat outside at the picnic bench until 9. Enjoying the cool mountain air. We made it inside to lounge on the cool leather sofa's and watch air jaws on shark week. Keegan, Matt, Emily and I shared M&M's and I felt really relaxed. By 11 we made our way downstairs to bed. I climbed in, the bed squeked a lot. I couldn't get comfortable. Matt groaned and I said get up get your clothes on were going back to golden. He didn't argue because he could see that the numerous nights of no sleep had finally caught up with me. I woke the family up and kissed them goodbye and we sped off into the night. By the time we got home our house was pleasant and I slept a solid 7 hours. Twice as much as I have slept in a while.